Difficult
by ChibotleKentucky
Summary: Jesse finds Romeo in the throes of a panic attack, and despite caring about his friend and still wanting to help him, he can't help but find himself frustrated about the situation due to his own tired state. (In the same timeline as 'Before' and 'Coping', deals with self harm, implied child abuse, and the therapeutic burnout friends sometimes feel when helping for a long time)


Jesse yawned, stretching as he headed back inside his home. The long engraved halls made the place feel cold and unlived in sometimes, but he still knew his bed called to him, walm and inviting. Smiling slightly, warm green eyes shining, he set off.

...Only to hesitate at an odd noise.

Crying?

He bit his lip, sleep addled mind actually debating whether to check it out before scolding himself and moving to find out the problem.

He soon found Romeo curled up against the wall, making strangled noises as if to restrain his obvious crying, arms clutched to his stomach, hair down and the long tangled messes of red obscuring his face from the brunette.

Jesse walked quietly over to him, concerned.

Romeo started in surprise at the footsteps, seeming to curl further into himself, strangled noises becoming louder. He seemed to become frustrated with himself, because he slammed his head into the wall in clear irritation, hissing at the pain. Jesse dashed over at that, grabbing his head and pulling him forwards from the wall. "Romeo, what the hell is going on?" he exclaimed, bewildered. The other man didn't respond, perhaps couldn't, eyes wild and clearly not really comprehending what was happening.

Was he lost in a memory?

..Jesse had that sometimes. About Rueben.

"Go away" Romeo breathed, striking blue eyes almost seeming to glow in the dim lighting. "Leave me be"

"No" he responded sharply, frowning. "You're clearly in some kind of state- i need to get you to bed-"

He reached out to pull him by the shoulder but the other man flinched from him violently and his eyes seemed to finally focus, pupils contracting and teeth baring as he snarled. Jesse recoiled at the clear fangs. Romeo looked so normal sometimes that Jesse forgot he still had physical traits from being an admin. One such being his pointy ears, which Petra enjoyed making fun of.

"Don't touch me!" Romeo growled, rage seeming to flood his expression. "Leave me be!"

Jesse's own face became annoyed, on a short fuse due to tiredness. "I can get Xara instead if you don't want me" he threatened. Romeo immediately froze. He sighed. "Look, i can tell you've had some kind of memory or flashback. I get it. I have those too. Really commonly, actually. There's not really a need to be so rude"

"Just.. Leave" he mumbled back, and the blue in his eyes almost seemed to dim along with his spirits. Jesse wondered if a remaining Admin trait of his were his abnormal eyes. They seemed to brighten depending on his mood.

Then Jesse saw that the redhead was clutching his arm to his chest, and that the grey material of his shirt was quickly turning a deep crimson.

"Oh hell" he breathed, face twisting in an emotion he himself couldn't place. "Stay here, I'll be right back"

Thankfully Romeo seemed to heed this order, as when Jesse had scrambled to the bathroom to get bandages and tcp and returned the other man hadn't moved an inch. His breathing was shallow.

"Why?" he asked quietly as he slowly applied the bandages, expression downcast. Romeo looked a cross between guilty and annoyed. "...You should go to bed. I shouldn't be keeping you up, or making you panic over me" he instead replied, ignoring the question. His voice was bitter. Jesse's stomach twisted. "Romeo. Trust me, i kinda expected stuff like this would happen. No one can go too long without breaking. So I'm not that traumatised"

Romeo frowned, almost looking offended before sighing and slumping, nodding. "That's fair"

When he was finished applying the bandages the awkwardness had fully set in. "..So" Jesse finally broke the silence. "You still haven't said why. What caused this?"

"Just.. Remembering things.." he glared. "Why do you care?"

Jesse became increasingly irritated. "You know full well i care Romeo, don't start that up again"

"I'm not starting anything up" he hissed in response, eyes flashing golden for a split second. His canines appeared to elongate slightly too. "It's a perfectly damn valid question. You should have left me to rot in the terminal zone rather than allow me to be a constant burden on you here"

Jesse frowned, concern finally overtaking anger. "You're not-"

"I deserve death. I deserve worse" Romeo continued, ignoring him. He was digging his nails into his palm in tight fists, almost drawing blood. "And you are delusional if you think otherwise"

"Don't tell me what i can or can't think" Jesse replied, eyes narrowing. "You're being hysterical, Romeo. It's late and you've relapsed. You need to go to bed"

"I need to sleep and never wake up" he responded sourly.

"Romeo, ENOUGH!" the hero finally snapped, eyes blazing bright green as he slammed his hand into the wall behind the other man. Romeo froze up, eyes widening. Jesse's frustration was clearly evident. "You need to sleep. Now. We can discuss this in the morning but neither of us are coherent enough to deal with this!"

"...Ok" he finally acquiesced. He allowe Jesse to pull him up, before grimacing at his quickly drying bloodstained shirt. "There is no way in hell i am going to sleep in this"

"Then change" Jesse rolled his eyes, pushing him into his room before rummaging through his drawers, pulling out a long sleeved navy undershirt and sleevless white overshirt. "Wear this. Stylish" he threw it over. Romeo shook his head in tired upset but did so, taking off his shirt to put on the replacement.

Jesse couldn't help but cringe, as he always instinctively did when he saw the other man's chest. Most of his body was marked with some form of faded scar from his childhood. Only slightly visible but still prominent purple lines that spanned his whole back that could only come from lashing. Several large reddish patches from burning or any form of exposure to boiling water. Gashes from cuts another had made.

And then cuts he himself had made. Jesse couldn't tell which type of scar he hated more - the self inflicted or the abuse remnants.

"You're staring" his charge remarked, raising a brow. Jesse sighed, shaking his head as he walked to the door. "Don't get cheeky, I'm dating Petra" he said flatly. Romeo snorted. "Sure you are. You and Stella seem to get along pretty well"

Jesse's face pinked. "I am not cheating!" he sputtered indignantly, and Romeo chuckled, a smirk crossing his face. "I know, i know" he looked out the window at the night sky. "...Goodnight, Jesse"

"Goodnight."


End file.
